Off My Ergonomic-Roller-Cubicle Chair (a.k.a. "Rocker")

So I recently started working for a company that has been expanding nationally as rapid as a rabbit breeds, causing me to work endless days and nights on advertising for several markets. It was great at the beginning, but now I just cannot seem to multitask enough in order to get ahead. I mean, this isn't uncommon for advertising, but I am doing the job of at least 4 people, and fellow employees aren't helping a poor little graphic designer either. It is hard enough being the only Mac in a PC-centered corporate universe, where one would wonder how so many shades of grey could be used in a cubicle hell, but now everyone in the office thinks I am obligated to design their miscellaneous crap, when I have deadlines for major ad vendors later that day. Honestly, its great that people are having parties -I am all about having fun, but why do I have to always design their invitations?

Well, anyways, I had a lot of responsibilities on Friday (on one of my days off) and woke up pulling ads out of my ass trying to make a 5pm deadline for over 40 different direct mail pieces that needed to be redesigned, approved, and finalized. This was enough to make me pull my hair out, but I desperately needed that one strand that was left from all this stress. My boss, whom is also the CEO of the company, decided to check up on me. Though I reported my status to him calmly, after I hung up I was frantically pulling all my energy to finish this, when I decided I needed to refuel with my 3-times-a-day Starbucks (I am seriously addicted).

Now, I am all about technology, I always have the latest gadgets, but one thing still lacks perfection. This is the phone. It's so close to being perfect with the invention of the iPhone, but here is where my problem resides. So on my way to that special place I hold dear to my heart -Starbucks in case you forgot, I decided to just have a melt down, you know, just a quick little one to get all this tension that has built up out. As I was driving I grab my iPhone and go under favorites and call a friend. I did not even wait for a response before I let it all out on the phone. I was yelling. I was screaming. I was cursing the living hell about the office, complaining about the work load and how I need assistants.

I was wondering why I didn't hear a nice, firm, support response back from my friend. I looked down at the phone and noticed I had called the CEO of the company. I practically shat a brick house. I immediately hung up and started cackling like a mad man. I knew I was screwed. I was thinking of ways to cover my bases, but could think of NONE. At that point I gave up. I just let mild hysteria sweep over my body. I realized that it WAS the iPhones fault, I mean I thought I was under "Favorites" but was under recent calls. This is how touch screens, and menus that are meant to speed up productivity can also expedite a job termination. Lovely. Now I can only imagine how Monday's office meeting will turn out. Good thing it's not a conference call.

If Flying Wasn't Enough to Scare You...

So one day when I was at the airport in Boston going home for break, I wanted to do what most people about to have a flight do -get some reading material. Little did I know what was to occur doing something so quick and effortless. I grab a magazine and go to the cash register to pay. Now, I could tell from a distance that this cashier was just a little out of the ordinary, but as I am always attracting such strange and interesting people, I thought nothing of it really. She scans the barcode, and the price rings up at $3.99. I hand over four dollars, and was like, "Keep the penny." (The importance of pennies is another issue I would like to address, but it would not fit into this story so anyways back to it.) I begin to walk away, but she stops me by starting a conversation. Now we all know that this is something we all -well mostly all want to avoid. So, since I am such a nice Southern gentleman, I turn around and listen. She was like "Have you ever wondered..." And at those very words I was like, "Shit. Why me, why do I get asked questions by strange people!" She continued, "Have you ever wondered about fate?" "Umm no, not really." As I looked at her, her face was narrow with close-to-her-head, black -but graying hair, and eyes that seem to be glazed over with white (kind of like Halle Berry as Storm in the X-Men movies). I thought I was talking to the oracle at Delphi. She then goes on, "This here, this very penny might have an important role in YOUR life." I was starting to get nervous. The woman then continues her scary speech about fate and the penny, "Have you ever had a dream where you are injured and bleeding, and you have nothing to stop the blood from flowing out -BUT you have this penny which you use to stop it?" "Nooo, I caaan't say that I have," I said with a questioning look upon my face. She obviously didn't think that was a good response, so she then asked, "Have you ever had a dream where you are on an airplane, and during the flight there is a hole in the window which would lead to the crash and death of hundreds of people; however, the hole is the perfect size of the penny, and you FIT it in just like so, and save everyone's lives?" I was lost for words. I mean, way to scare someone as they are just about to fly. I took that damn penny and have been scared to use it ever since!

An Introduction

So this is what it feels like to blog... Hmm I can't believe that I am actually doing this -writing about my life.

Anyways, the main reason for this blog is to share my stories with people because I sure do have a lot of them. I mean my life is full of interesting encounters, odd situations, and just plain bad luck. I am known as a magnet for eccentric people, and thus my stories are endless. I don't know why I bring out the "best" in people, but if it wasn't for them and their oddities then there would not be as much excitement in my life.

To those interesting characters, and my everlasting destiny to run into you, I thank you. Thank you for providing me with so many funny stories to share.

Enjoy!